By Douglas Noll, as told to Meghan Rabbitt
When I tell people that I am fully vaccinated and my wife, Aleya, is not, almost everyone looks at me with shock and awe. They wonder how it’s possible that we could make such different choices and not let it impact our relationship. They ask if it leads to knock-down, drag-out fights. And they don’t believe me when I tell them that those scenarios couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I know this debate is causing so much strife among so many, driving wedges through families and friendships and prompting a lot of angst in the process. But I can also tell you—both through my personal experience as well as my expertise as a professional mediator with decades of experience managing and resolving conflicts of all types—that it doesn’t have to be that way. It is possible to feel drastically different from someone you love about a heated topic and talk about it with love and
respect. Here’s how.
Step No. 1: Both parties need to take responsibility for their choices. My wife is different than many anti-vaxxers. Aleya and I both believe that with democracy and freedom comes great responsibility, which means that if you’re not going to get vaccinated, you have to isolate. It is morally irresponsible to not get vaccinated and then be out in society.
Thankfully, we live on 10 acres in the Sierra Nevada mountains of California and Aleya is able to self-isolate. Because she has taken personal responsibility for her choice and isn’t putting others or herself in harm’s way, our different decisions on this topic feel workable. Let’s say you’re vaccinated and someone you love isn’t, and that person takes a selfish approach puts his or her own health and the health of others at risk—well, that’s not OK. If someone isn’t willing to understand
their choices have consequences, you might not be able to be in relationship with that person.
Step No. 2: Learn how to listen like a professional mediator. When Aleya and I have conversations around difficult topics, we take turns asking each other two questions...
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