HOW TO EXPRESS FEELINGS, AND HOW NOT TO
"Too often, instead of saying 'I feel…' people start out with the mistaken phrase, 'You make me feel…'”
By Susan Heitler, Ph.D.
We are wired to have feelings. If we express these feelings in off-putting ways, this wiring can invite a disconnect in our relationships. By contrast, expressing feelings in a safe way can lead to our feeling more connected, especially to loved ones. Knowing how to express feelings tactfully is therefore vital if you want to feel close to people and to sustain your relationships.
Sharing positive feelings solidifies relationships. Love, appreciation, gratitude, delight—sharing these feelings builds affectionate bonds.
At the same time, stresses occur in everyone's life, leaving them with sad, scared, or angry feelings. In addition, differences and hurt feelings will occur from time to time between just about any two people who interact regularly.
Sharing feelings enables you to talk through the situation that had caused the difficulty. That way, you can figure out how the problem occurred and what to do to fix it. Problem-solving together makes negative feelings lift. Otherwise, the problem may linger or get worse, negative feelings may fester, and both you and your relationship suffer...READ MORE