I'm a worrier. You have to know this about me. Worrying about nearly everything has been rooted in me since the earliest age I can remember. I don't have worrisome parents. I didn't grow up in a worrisome environment. I simply found comfort in worrying about nearly everything throughout my childhood and it continues to follow me (more like "haunt" me) into adulthood.

 

Lane likes to say I tricked him when we began dating. I made him believe I was this "super chill" girl who never worried about things. He'd worry his way through our first, second, third, and fourth date and I'd always repeat one phrase to him, "you do you." It gave him this belief that I was not worried about anything. I was cool with everything. To be honest, I wasn't trying to force an act. I think we project who we'd like to be on those first few dates with someone new. And I've always wanted to be the chill person who can "let go and let God." 

Minor worrying is fine but the kind of worrying I experience leads into a darker feeling: the feeling of discouragement. I find myself floundering in areas where I need to have hope. I listen to my friends tell me that God will cover me and God will work it all out for good and it's in the quiet moments after our conversations that I doubt God, that I wonder if I really believe what I tell people about him. 

Trust me, I do. Trust me, I would never write or speak openly about God if I felt we were at odds with one another. But I think it is human nature to grapple with the fear of the bottom dropping out. I sometimes feel like God's personal assistant, waking up an hour before him and worrying like crazy that he won't get up and make it to all the appointments for the day...READ MORE