By Aaron Shepard

You’ve heard about Paul Bunyan, the greatest lumberjack of all time. And you’ve heard about Pecos Bill, the greatest cowboy.

Now let me tell you about Slappy Hooper, the world’s biggest, fastest, bestest sign painter.

You’d better believe Slappy was biggest! Why, he was seven feet tall with shoulders to match, and he weighed three hundred pounds, even without his cap and coverall and brush and bucket.

And fastest? Just give him an eight-inch brush. Slip! slop! slap! The job was done—and so smooth, you’d never see a brush stroke.

And you bet Slappy was bestest! That was on account of his pictures. No one else ever made them so true to life.

In fact, some folks said they were too true to life.

Slappy’s trouble started with the huge red rose he painted on the sign for Rose’s Florist Shop.

“Slappy, it’s so real!” said Miss Rose Red, the owner. “Why, I can just about smell the fragrance!”

But a week later, Rose Red fluttered into Slappy’s sign shop.

“Slappy, that sign of yours was too good. The bees got wind of it and swarmed all over that rose, trying to get in. They scared away all my customers! That was bad enough, but wait till you see what’s happened now!”

When they reached the florist shop, Slappy saw that the bees were gone. But the rose had withered and died.

“No one buys from a florist with a withered flower on her sign,” said Rose Red. “That’s the last thing you’ll paint for me, Slappy Hooper!”

The story got around, but most folks just laughed, and they still wanted Slappy to do their signs. His next job was to paint a billboard for the Eagle Messenger Service. Slappy painted an eagle three times larger than life.

“Amazing!” said Mr. Baldwin Eagle. “It’s so real, I could swear I saw it blink! Wait a minute. I did see it blink!”

Then the bird flapped its wings and flew right off the billboard.

“That sign was too good,” said Mr. Eagle. “That’s the last time you’ll work for me, Slappy Hooper!”

Folks were getting scared to hire Slappy. But at last he got a job from the Sunshine Travel Agency. The billboard was to show a man and woman on a beach, toasting under a hot sun. Slappy painted it the day after a big snowstorm...READ MORE