Sometimes prayer is saying “maybe” to God. It is saying “I want to believe you are a God of love, I want to believe you love me, I want to believe you are for me and not against me. Help me to believe these good things about you. Heal the fears I have about you.”
We may be guarded and hesitant. Our false and frightening idol gods may haunt us. But when our prayer is the prayer of maybe, we are turning from these idols to the God of love and grace, asking for help to believe in God’s goodness and mercy. We may believe intellectually that God is love, but find that we cannot trust that God actually loves us personally. We may want to trust God’s personal love for us but realize that we simply cannot.
When we say “maybe” to trusting God’s love we acknowledge both our belief and our unbelief. It takes courage to pray this honestly when our heart continues to fear that God might be harsh or abandoning or displeased with us.
But each time we say “maybe” to the God of love, and we experience moments of hope or peace or grace, our courage will grow and our faith will be strengthened.
What we can do is to begin to ask God to help us in our unbelief. We can begin to ask God to open our eyes and ears and heart to know the reality of God’s love for us. And then we can listen and watch for God’s responses...read more
