Prayables | way too cheerful

Published: Wed, 02/12/20

Wednesday February 12, 2020

No one was ever great without some portion of divine inspiration.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

Invite yourself to the private party that is prayer. May you be blessed with meaningful sacred conversation, spiritual appetite satiated and soul invigorated.

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So let us pick up the stones over which we stumble friends, and build altars. Let us listen to the sound of breath in our bodies. Let us listen to the sounds of our own
voices, of our own names, of our own fears. Let us name the harsh light and soft darkness that surround us. Let’s claw ourselves out from the graves we’ve dug, let’s lick the earth from our fingers. Let us look up, and out, and around. The world is big, and wide, and wild and wonderful and wicked, and our lives are murky, magnificent, malleable and full of meaning. Oremus Let us pray. Padraig O Tuama

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TIRED OF MAKING LEMONADE OUT OF LEMONS?

SUCK ON MISERY INSTEAD.

By Stephen J. Lyons

We all know people who are way too cheerful. I am talking about those overachievers of joy and hope who, in the face of climate change, Ted Cruz’s beard and cannabis dispensary shortages, somehow turn their frowns upside-down. Let’s not be them. Here’s how to stay miserable. You are most welcome.

Do not, under any circumstances, take time out to smell the roses. They stink.
Tell your lucky stars, “Thanks, but no thanks.” Eliminate balloons and flowers from your life. Stay indoors. Close the windows. Keep the shades and curtains drawn to avoid sunrises, sunsets and all other forms of natural light. Turn up the volume on your television as high as it will go to drown out birdsong and the laughter of small children.

Shun friends and relatives, and anyone dumb enough to be supportive of you. If you have not called your parents in a while, keep putting it off. They will always be around. For companionship buy a pet baboon and a mature, pregnant python.
Cease consumption of leafy green vegetables and raw fruit. Supplement a new diet of creamed soups, under-cooked chicken and Wild Turkey. Salt your food with abandon.

Obsess on past mistakes. Why did you act so impulsively as a teenager? Did your mother deserve such shoddy treatment? Is it possible that your brother is better than you? Are you getting fat or is it a tumor?

You are not as young as you feel. In fact, you are older, so much older. Guilt is good. Remorse, foreboding, cynicism, sloth and regret are even better. This would be a good time to take up chewing tobacco and unfiltered Camels. Make a master calendar of your approximated remaining days on Earth. Divide by two. Cross off each day before you go to bed at night. See? Life isn’t so long after all. Get a facial tattoo in the likeness of Donald Trump.

Come on, do you really think you can make a difference in the world? Who are you kidding?

Sleep as late as you wish. There’s no good reason to get up anyway. Turn off the hot water heater. Trade in your bed for a...READ MORE