This is one of the harder parts of “expectations” to talk about. The part where we expect so much from some people and we’re let down so hard. I’m not talking about the one-time thing or even the two-time thing. I’m speaking to the ones of us who have been let down over and over again, so much so that our heart is stubborn to call on hope again.
Our trust has been broken. Our spirits have been torn in two. Disappointment is a powerful emotion. Expectations not met when assigned to others comes with some pretty gnarly side effects.
A few years ago, I met a friend for breakfast. Old diners— the kind that doesn’t change a thing about their decor or the way they make their potatoes over a stretch of 20 years— make me feel safe like everything will be okay because the world still has eggs and black coffee in it.
We were talking about relationships as we moved our eggs around our plates and I told her about some hurt feelings I had. How they felt like burns, taking longer to heal than I expected. How I lost trust in a friend and how it kept happening. How I felt like a fool.
“You have to loosen your expectations on some people,” she told me, taking another sip of her coffee. “Not all people, but some.”
She told me I was still hurt because I kept placing expectations where they likely shouldn’t be placed anymore. Trust broken is a real thing and it requires us to act accordingly. That doesn’t mean trust can’t be rebuilt but there are sometimes in our lives and relationships where we must revisit the expectations we try to hold others to.
She went on to tell me there are some people you should relieve of expectations entirely. You accept the truth: that this person never acts how you hope they will act. They don’t come through. They never pay you back. They’re never grateful. They won’t be there when they promise to be there. You’re continually let down and it is hurting your heart something awful...read
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