A guy goes to confession after not going for many, many years.
He walks into the confessional and he sees on a small table a bottle of fine single-malt Scotch whiskey. Next to that is a wooden box of fine Cuban cigars with cutters,
matches, etc. On the table are several magazines including Motor Trend and Popular Mechanics. It is air conditioned, carpeted, with a nice easy chair to boot.
A few seconds later the priest walks in and the man says, "Father, I know it has been a really LONG time since I've been to confession, but I have to hand it to you, and with all this stuff, I think these improvements are great!"
To which the priest replied, "Sorry, son, but you're on my side."