In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God’s bountiful gifts, humankind created Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream and Krispy Kreme donuts.
And humans said, “You want hot fudge with that?” And man said, “YES!” and Woman said, ‘I’ll have another with sprinkles.”
And lo, they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so
fair.
And humans brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them.
And Woman went
from size 2 to size 14.
So, God said, “Try my fresh green garden salad.”
And humans presented crumbled Blue
cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, “I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.”
And humans brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And humans came forth with a cable TV with remote control, so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And man and woman
laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then humans peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt.
And Man put
on more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And humans created McDonald’s and the 99-cent double cheeseburger.
Then humans said, “You want fries with that?”
And Man replied, “YES! And super-size ’em!”
And humans said, “It is good.”
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And humans created HMOs.
