THE NOTE

A dad goes to his son’s bedroom and sees the bed is neatly made and a note is propped up on the pillow.

“Dear Mom and Dad. First, let me say I love you and don’t worry about me. I met a girl who I love, and she loves me too. 

Well, she’s actually not a girl; she’s quite a bit older than me. In fact she’s a woman, an amazing woman. Her name is Stacy.

We decided to elope, and we thought this out very carefully.

We’re on our way to West Virginia, where Stacy has her own home in a trailer park. She showed me a picture, and I’m sure it will look really nice once I start scrubbing off most of the rust.

You’re probably concerned about the money. There’s no need. Stacy has a thriving business growing and selling marijuana. I’ll work there, too!

Sadly, Stacy has had health issues ever since she contracted the AIDS virus, complicated by some serious STDs. But, like you always taught me, with God’s help, we’re sure she can recover.

One more thing. Good news! Stacy is pregnant, so you’ll soon have a grandchild to love.

There’s more. Please walk over to my desk."

The dad walks over to his son’s desk and sees a large envelope with a post-it note that reads,

“None of this is true. I hope you’ll realize, to your relief, that there are worse things than the bad report card in this envelope.

Please text me when it’s safe to come home."

And it's signed, Your loving son, Jonathan